Saturn's Effect...

i finally found out why all these good things are happening to me!
Saturn, which rules my destiny and personality has just moved into my horoscope .. and it will stay there for the next two years... so the sunday eye astrologist/ astrologer robert vidal(i took care to c wat his name is..) can safely predict contentment, happiness, respect, prestige and security for the aquarian ...for the next two years :)
no i dont believe much in astrolgy but this specific thing kind of makes sense...
ok and i'v decided m gonna post all my poems all those that iv ever written... im not gonna think wat ppl will think..n m just gonna post! i think. byeee!! <3

sitting at home laughing my head off...

so right now me n kum r sitting in my room

laughing our heads off at some old pics we took .. all four of us making really stupid faces... oh god my head z aching and her stomach is paining!!!

this is just the trailer there are many many more.. even more hilarious ones

laa-daa-dii-dumm!!!

gone over the edge? lost it?? who, me? u think?? no way!!!!
...
...
...
...
...
all the way!!!
i mean what IS goiin on?? first, i get placed out of the blue..!..and now this..!!! not that im complaining.. :) :) :) :)
cant tell u tho...its top secret... ssshhhhh... :) m just happy... i'll be a bit more happy if Az n Ku get placed soon too. also AD... u dont know who AD is, right...??? dont even try to guess cz u wont succeed... no, ur not even close.. these r not initials btw..
so ur thinkng why have i gone all secrety suddenly.. wen normally i dont care who reads this, what anyone thinks about this or my life or wat i do or watevre...!!!
anyway, where was i???? nevrmind...
i m in exceptionally high spirits... all these good things.. AND the weather z all nice and cold.. AND the result z not out yet to dampen the spirits AND the college z starting so we all will be free during Christmas AND itx new year n christmas time..wow!!! what else could make me happy??? hehehehhee.. said already..  umm..
sherry left her pawprints on my lappy today..i was sleeping, she came in wit mum n was alll over my lappy n my mum stood there watching!!! i mean where does that strictness go wen sherry z doin things to our things(mine n nehaz)???
dadz back!!
n he dint give me an ego boost,... :(
(maybe he thot m already floating  so much up in the air that he settled on trying to make me nervous my asking me about results/exams/where ill be placed/what if they throw me out during training/ and so on... u get the gist..) all his congratulations were on the phone..

but even he cant spoil my mood... hehehe..i soooo wanna go out and celebrate but no1 z here now... soon.... soon.. therez xmas n new year baby!!!

neway i thot i wud post about " neha n d monkeys in the ooty trip"
but i ended up writing complete rubbish thanks to me being high-in-an-all-almost-drunken-way-tho-im-not!!
so i will write abt that some other time...ill just have to b in that topic writing mood...i cant write abt nethng if i dont feel like that topic mood.. not that i m ever going to be in neha and the monkeys mood... but u get wat i mean rt??
so i read ths buk, louise rennison's georgia nicolson book,  "then he ate my boy entrancers".. at first i thot i'm reading something from a diffrent world but then it turned out u just had to get used to the way georgie talks.. and this was like the 6th book in series...!! duh me!! i have even watched the first part of the series as a muvie.. angus, snogging sumthng sumtng... n i dint realise it! wat kind of a novel-reader movie-watcher am i anyway?? but i never said i have great memorizing power.. v all kno m hopeless wit names and birthdays.. altho i remember faces quite good...
now m gonna read the sisterhood of the travelling pants (pants!! hahaha georgie!!) book1.. think itll b a nice light read.. just wat i need to keep this nice mood going as long as i can... tc! have a nnice day/ night/ twilight/ watever ur having..!! c ya!!

gonna have a gr8 christmas n new yr!!

this new year is gonna bring pretty big changes along with it... and christmas cant wait for it.. im feeling quite crazy...i cant wait.. i'll be enjoying this christmas n new year a lot!! crazy parties.. oh and cant wait for that lil fire n hanging out on the rooftop in d chilly nite!! oh why wont college start already?????
 and plz plz winter go on a bit longer this year...i dint think it possible, but i'm sure i have fallen a bit more deeper  in love with you than i already was... :)

ECSTACY...!...!

i am placed!! i cannot believe it. i dint prepare nething, i had basically decided to spend this whole month preparing for apti and interviews. i was luckily allowed for tech m recruitment and suddenly- BANG! im selected..!! i'm just feeling pretty relieved!! oh and yea ull have to wait for the blog abt my trip a bit longer...

winter!!!

winter is here!!!
late though.
hmmmm... it's been so long that iv written....
exams you see. not that i have been studying too much, but nevertheless exams are exams..
iv been waiting and waiting for winter. i'm going banglore in a few days!!! yay!!
and there are two things to dampen my spirits, first is that my back paper's result hasnt yet been declared so the companies which will be arriving soon, wont be able to interview me,..!! :P i mean, i wont b eligible. and secondly there was this apti exam.. but thankfully it got cleared out, so i can go.. i have been reading jane austen: persuasion n dan brown: lost symbol..
jane austen is her usual self.
but lost symbol kinda let me down. i mean, ofcrse it was full of info as can be expectd frm dan... but it dint have that pace as his other books..and it was kind of predictable..
now, im trying to regularly go jogging n all..for ssb. and i have to start doing apti..m just feeling that the holidays just started n we already have to start studyng n college is starting frm 13th dec... so soon.. :( but it is final year. no time to enjoy...
on the day of our last exam, me n asmi n mani celebrated kum's birthday. it was a lot of fun.. could have been more fun but, something silly happened n mani lost her mood n slept early so the rest of us just watched a movie.
we got kum a pair of really cute pumps.
and now the next post will probably be after the banglore trip n wit pics of kums birthday... havnt yet tranferrd them frm d cam.. i can be a bit too lazy at tyms.. :)
i dunno during exams i had this constant urge to write.. in my diary or in d blog. and now, nothing. absolutely nothing.
i just wanna lie around watch t.v. not use my brain, etc...
anyway ill have to get out of this soon enough. so happy winter..mmm....

im ready to love the sun. let it soak through my skin.... i really really like loving the sun. this is precisely why winter is my favourite season. it lets me love everything about it. the cold. the sun. the wintry breeze. everything. coz then everything is perfect. and then i feel perfect. and then i AM perfect...!

does that make sense??? probably not.  k.. gotta start packing now.ciao!!

DiWaLi....!!!!!!!!!! the festival of lights or wat????

diwali.
 aproaching.
the indian so-called festival of lights is here. people will be lighting candles n diyas, performing the laxmi puja, bursting crackers, the works..
i decided to write this to my blog coz even though people mostly follow the anti pollution campaign superficially or not at all when it comes to diwali.. maybe after reading this, even if one person decides to go along with, ill b happy.
lighting lamps and the puja are the parts of diwali i like.
but lighting up crackers. i hate it. not because i am afraid, i used to light all those kinds f laxmi bomb n sutli bomb n what not when i was in 10th. it was after i turned 16, that i made a lot of serious changes in my life. one of them was not bursting crackers on diwali or any other day. i was in the anti-pollution campaign.
i dont get it. what kind of satisfaction can people get by lighting these crackers that emit so much smoke.. make your throat itchy and everything...
people give this excuse..."awww it's just once a year..."
but in that one day, the amount of obnoxious gas that's emmitted all over india is unbelievable.
i am pleading to each and everyperson who reads this, please please stop using crackers on diwali.
if ur so hell-bent on using them please buy the eco-friendly ones available.
today i read an article in THE HITVADA, about the kids who are made to work in these factories that manufacturescrakers.
it's pathetic!!
i dont have words to express.. why would people use something which results in chid labor, air pollution and which does no good to anyone!!!
so please! make a promise to yourself. do not use crackers, make this world a little bit better than it would be. your effort counts. it night be a millionth of what's necessary, but it counts. EVERY SINGLE EFFORT COUNTS. please do this. and convince whoever you can do the same. you can go back to sleep feeling a bit lighter. ur a good human being. thank you!!

FeElInG BlUe!!!!

Blue.




Mostly refers to sad or depressed.


Phrases. Feeling blue. The blues. Blue also means spending in a reckless way.


There are also some good references… I will shed some light on that later. But mostly, people associate the color blue with sadness.


I tend to disagree. I like blue. I think it's a pretty happy color.


My mom doesn’t approve of all my bed sheets and curtains and towels being blue(4years back, I was obsessed with everything being pink, that didn’t last for more than a year, I am not exactly the girly types ).


No, it's not my favorite color, blue. That’s black and white, and then red. I like colors. All colors. So why do people like my mom don’t like blue linen???


I cant figure that out. My mom says jokingly, it makes her feel blue…


It doesn’t make me feel so though.



The few positive points related to blue are,


Blueprint: something which acts as a plan.


Blue-blooded: noble blood.


blue-chip: reliable investment


Bluestocking: intellectual or literary woman.


Blue ribbon: given to the winner of a competition.






In a place like wardha, where the sun blisters down on us all through the day, my room's window lets in a lot of sunlight, a bit too much at that. i don’t mind sunlight, I love a nice sunny day in winter, but in summer and rainy season, the sun is not your fav thing in the world, nor is sunlight. This is where my blue curtains come in. they block the irritating light and heat nicely enough, letting the light in, only in required amounts. As for my bed sheets and towels being blue, I can give only one possible explanation, they go with the curtains…


then again, does there exist even a single person in this world who didn’t love painting the beautiful azure sky with the blue crayon when they were small? I don’t think so. There is another reason for me liking blue so much these days and it's my mom's own fault.


When it comes to flowers, there is nothing that amuses me and amazes me as blue colored flowers do. My favorite are roses and orchids, pink and white and blue. But they don’t amaze me(except blue orchids), I just love them.






A year back, my mom went to the nursery(she weaves out and into gardening as her hobby), and she asked for a plant that blossoms all through the year and spreads a lot. When in wardha, no amount of greenery feels more than enough. They gave her this creeper, that spreads a lot and blossoms most of the seasons. she brought five of them and placed them in different places, giving support on which they could grow, these creepers don’t grow roots along the stem, to hold onto surfaces. they just have tendrils that they wrap around everything available.

So, after two weeks I think, I was in the garden and I saw this little blue baby flower on the lush green fleshy creeper, and I fell in love with it. It made me so happy to see these few flowers bloom everyday(though they withered and fell in the evening, new ones came up everyday.) soon the creeper started spreading, mom helped it in everyway possible, tying wires everywhere, so that they could cover more space. it was the rainy season, it stopped blooming and spread out a lot, it covered all the tree tops in our garden, it reached the first floor balcony and so on. The rain stopped and it was sunny for a few days.



One morning I got up and saw outta the gallery window, lush green everywhere, wedged in between its fleshy fresh looking green, were tiny spots of blue.


They were so many! I never saw more than ten, I guess and here were a hundred lil blue flowers in front of my eyes, the beauty of it was so breath-taking, I stood rooted to the spot for a few minutes. Then I ran down to mom" mamma, did u see the flowers? Blue everywhere. It's soooo beautiful!!!" I gushed. My mom just seemed smug and proud, she smiled and said, "isn't it?"


I never get tired of taking their pictures. I keep taking them, thinking every time, this one is better than the last.


Now everyday I wake up and see these thousands of little blue beauties in the morning, I feel a happiness brimming inside me, a ray of gold in the gray of night, and I feel how can anyone even think blue means sad???

The story of a journey(poem)

this is a poem i wrote. ok, i didnt write it with my imagination, i had this dream. so i got up n since i hardly ever remember dreams, thought of writing it down... after a few mins i realised i was thinking along writing it down as a poem and that's what i did... wrote a poem..

I was walking along a path,


With lush green trees and wild blooming flowers on the side,

It was all so beautiful,

A place where there was nothing nature denied,

I wished to stop and admire but I had to go on…



I was running, I had to find it,

That’s when I saw a blossom so breath-taking,

A huge light pink playing in the shades, with all the colors you could imagine,

Just to touch it, the buttery texture, the delicate petals, my hands were aching…

I extended my hand forward; I felt it slipping out of reach,

My legs were still moving I saw; I heard myself screech…



With a sinking feeling I realized I had to go on searching,

And my legs won’t stop even if I wanted to,

‘But what is it that I am searching…?’ I wondered,

With dread I realized I didn’t know, still I had to go on that much I knew,



I could hear the gentle twinkling of a near-by brook,

The sweet damp smell of the earth and the forest made it harder for me to want to go on,

It wasn’t good enough though, not wanting to go on, for all I cared my legs were still treading on…

Everything was so mesmerizing, It felt agonizing to even look…



I came to a few bifurcations along the path,

It didn’t really matter which I chose, I knew I was going to end up at the same place…

I kept on walking…the trail ended,

I could see the sun setting along the horizon, a tangerine haze.

That’s when I saw it: a white structure so intimidating, yet so beautiful, so grandiose and grotesque,



There was no way to describe it without being paradoxical,

As I stood there, taking it in, willing myself to believe it was there,

I saw a silhouette on the veranda, against the blushing heavens,

A figure so chiseled, so perfect, I vowed it couldn’t be alive, just as it moved, I could only stare.



As our eyes locked, I knew it was worth it,

Worth missing the scintillating beauty of the forest, the serene rivulet, the exuberant path on which I couldn’t stop.

I was enslaved, I knew.

And I waited, waited for it to be what it should have been, for me to be addicted the way I was dying to be….

Changing Dynamics Of Relationships..

an extract from my diary, written a week back:

As my university exams are coming closer and closer, I find myself more and more pondering over things… I sat down to study and instead, I started thinking about the dynamics of relationships that have taken place in my life. Yes, the dynamics have changed, a lot.




When I was 14, I used to talk to my mom about non trivial things. Non trivial things were all that my life was made up of, back then. My elder sister, Neha was like my mother. She took care of me, told me everything I needed to know. Heard everything I needed to tell her. Dad was somewhere in the back ground. He's not a talkative person. Nor was I.



I was 16, my friends were everything to me, and my mom knew who my closest friends were (anvi and amu). Well, most of them, and then some. Even then, my sister was the one from whom I never kept a secret. But I never felt VERRY close to mom.



Till 18, it was the same. After 18, I started fighting with my mom.

We used to talk,

Over shower of love for two days.

Fight.

Not on talking terms at all for two weeks.

Gradually start talking.

Over love.

Fight.

Cycle repeats. Dad was still hovering somewhere in the background. I was friends with Pooja. I told her a lot of things, but she and I weren't exactly compatible. We got irritated with each other a LOT!

There was this special person whose friendship had complete control on me. Let's call her "misty", as always. I still told my sis everything. Almost. My mom couldn’t even name who my friends were, other than pooja. I never told her ANYTHING. I kept to myself.



I was 19, sure that my fights with mom and thus dad weren't just because I was a cranky teenager. Because here I was, 19, almost out of teenage, and I was still fighting with mom. No, I thought they went far deeper. My mom was the one who was more childish. I was mature. It was like shahrukh's dialogue in chak de!, ek team me ek hi gunda ho sakta hai..is team ka gunda mai hu. And both of us fought for that position. We even fought over stupid things like when she tickled me and I shouted on her and we fought. I found myself getting into rude fights with her and I thought it was all her fault. Kumud became my friend, but at that time, I didn’t know her that well...



Meanwhile, my sister was undergoing weird transformations herself... She seemed more distant. It felt like she was always irritated with me. I told her very few things. I grew closer to dad. Not that I told him anything personal, but even when we talked about or enjoyed our most favorite things in the world, food, novels and football, I felt he kind of understood me on a different level.

Everyone says I am like him, and neha is like mom.



One day, after a fight with mom and neha, I found myself running to my dad, hugging him and crying like a baby and telling him what happened. And he patted my shoulder and said "hmmm" and took my side in the discussion with them that followed. I felt so good. This was another thing happening. Partiality and sides. My granny always took my side, and my mom always took neha's. This divide went on becoming wider. My dad was mostly neutral. I thought they hated me, mom and neha, the way they behaved. Never including me in conversations or taking me shopping, Always plotting against me. I was sure my mom must be the most partial mom in the world. No, I wasn’t bothered, I never cried, but I hated the fact that they could be so mean. It all seems so childish now! :)



I am 20, well 20 and half, but recently, a lot of changes have taken place. My mom still loves listening to neha talk whenever she is home (earlier I used to count this as partiality). We all do. She talks in a way that makes you wanna listen. But as I said I was never the talkative one. And there was a time I felt angry that she loves neha so much, why not me? Well it's been almost a year; I haven't fought with mom (maybe a few arguments, but no big fights!)I still can’t express myself clearly in words, but I write. I can write. Dad sometimes takes my side strongly. There are things about me that he understands but mom, neha and even granny doesn’t. Like giving your vehicle to friends who need it, who can’t even drive properly and who will probably return it after meeting with an accident!! :)



Oh and yeah, that certain someone was never out of my life, but maybe now it's time.



Friends still mean a lot! Manisha, Asmita, Kumud. I can tell Kumud almost everything. And I never hate her!! Not even get irritated, that's almost abnormal…! Me not getting irritated with a person ever!! I even get irritated on myself and I know I am not a person who loves or hates, I know good and bad points of everyone, and accept them. But it's weird, maybe Kumud is my perfect friend(or maybe she is abnormal… I mean how come I don’t get irritated with her EVER??), the one who was meant to be my BFF, I wasn’t even sure something like that even exists (PERFECT FRIEND)!! But now I am. Even she never gets irritated with me and that saying a lot (or maybe she does, but never says it...)!!

Coz I AM NOT A PERSON WITH WHOM U CAN STAY WITHOUT BEING IRRITATED FOR LONG. But Kumud must have a real tolerant nature, if she tolerates me!!



Hey, recently something BIG happened, I found myself alone with mom, obviously I wasn’t going to tell her, but I found myself doing exactly that!!!

I had told that ONLY to Kumud and here I was telling mom!! AND it wasn’t "mom material"!! Still her reaction was so good, almost like she... I don’t know, I was so thankful that I told her..I felt so relieved.. Of course she then told granny and neha.



I had to hear a patronizing speech from my granny and neha's ever-superior remarks... I told neha to shut up and not to give any comments that were not welcome. I hated the way she went on about this particular thing. BUT, today, I told her everything, she tried to explain it to me in a sort of kind way that whatever was happening was good for me. And I tried to make her understand how I felt. And she almost understood.



Bottom-line: I WAS a stupid cranky teen who extended her teenage to twenteen so that she could be cranky for a few more months!!

#I am at very good terms with mom. I love her. She loves me and even takes my side these days.

#Me and dad being the kind of people we are, (read non talkative and a bit reserved, except when with friends), we are on pretty good terms too. We go running and walking every evening. We don’t feel the need to talk. Both of us are extremely comfortable with silence.

#I think my sis will soon be my BFF, guide, mentor, in the same way she always was.

#Kumud is my perfect friend.

#currently, the special someone is not in my life. I am not sure about this matter. And I don’t want to think about it now.

#during all these years, from when I was BORN till now, my granny has been a STRONG IRON support for me, defending me in every way possible, loving me beyond everything in this world. And I love her too. I always told her what I thought was granny material at every time, that includes A LOT of things. I am so thankful that God gave her to me, she is the best!!



I am really thankful that through whatever course of events, ultimately, it's all come to

An Almost Happy Ending. And Thank GOD for Manisha, who is an angel and my stress buster, with her calm voice and awesome reassurances; Asmita, for being that friend who is crazy and loves everything crazy that you do. Fun-loving and careless, like I am sometimes... (She is also super clumsy n super careless like me). And Kumud, for being, well, Kumud!

My family, that special someone, who has changed me for good and given me a lot, beyond what words can express!!!! My doggies. Ronnie, who passed away, but was a babe. It still doesn’t sink in that he is gone. And sherry, my mucky pumpkin (!!), who brings joy everyday to my life!!

Thankful to everybody in my life, good or bad, for just being there and making it so colorful.

I KNOW, this sounds like a speech, maybe like the one someone would give if they knew they were gonna die tomorrow,(ha ha ha ha), but it's just that I know that you should leave no stone unturned to let your loved ones know how much you love them.

AIShA.............!

After desperately waiting for a chance to watch this movie" AIShA...", i finally did watch it a week back...
now lemme tell you why i was soooo eager to watch  this movie..
because my mom, kumud, etc told me that the character of aisha was like me... so i had to watch it..
this movie is based on the english classic "emma"..
the movie wasnt so good actually.. but it had sonam kapoor, abhay deol, girly stuff, lots of good clothes and places, so, that kind of made up for the stupidity of the movie..
THE VERDICT:
AM I LIKE AISHA??
yes and no,.. things my mom pointed out, like she keeps changing her hobbies..
painting(i think she sketched...i sketch ok.. but i am a horrible painter),
match making(i did a lot earlier, now i indulge in this only when i am ASKED for help..),
atc(im a member of pfa, but m v.lazy.. n she thinks about leaving non-veg, but i already did)..
i dont exactly change my hobbies...i just have too many, and choose any one of them for a certain time..
and does she read ..? i dont think so.. whereas i read a LOTT..!!
 alright, and i like this the best..
in the first five minutes of the movie itself .when she is introducing everybody, she has this to say about her elder sister: this is my sister..,n thats her husband... school se leke ab tak ek hi boyfriend and shaadi bhi usi se.... how boring na..?
this is almost exactly what i had said to my sister a few months back... hehehe :)
she jogs n all....
i dont.. n i did run today(an exception) not with some arjun... but with my dad...
:)
she loveesss shopping!!!!!! so do i!!!!
n she thinks she knows what she wants... but doesnt...but i know what i want.. she is also a lil bit blind when it comes to her friends n whom they are bound to end up with.. i am not!!
and yeah maybe i am a bit interfering and manipulative like her, but i am not blind!! i help people only with what people want, but dont have the guts to pursue it..
so hey, the character of aisha may have some traits as me,... BUT, aisha is no rutuja... !!!

rutz: predictable or not???

i know... these days i am writing a bit too frequently..(reason: exam dates coming closer...)
and i know my friend A has specially asked to correct my mistake , the fact that i thought she was with or was talking to her prince charming the day i needed all3 of them... welll, the truth was she wasnt well.. and i dint know that when i wrote that particular post.. so there you go asss, i m accepting the fact that u didnt leave in times of need, but u were not well yourself..!

:)
khush??

 so anyway,  i was wondering how one day, i like a particular thing a LOTT and hate something else SOO MUCHH.. and a few months, and im changing their groups...
for example, a few years back, i had an unbelievable repulsion for anything shiny, sparkly or flashy. be it a stud on the footwear, a sparly shimmery dress, even a button which had a little bit of sparkle or metal, i hated it all, i called everything falling into this category as "cheap" and "L.S."
so then i dunno, one day mom and i went to shop for some footwear for me, and she was specifically pointing out to the guy who takes out the shoes; all things, not shiny, not sparkly.. as she had been doing for the last few years.. and she asked me if i liked something,
and i was like this is ok, good for everyday wear, that is too ugly,
 finally i spotted a pair of heels-yes, SHINY, yes- SPARKLY. and it was COPPER coloured.. and my mom was like laughing in amusement, thinking, i was pointing out that pair as a joke, and she went, AS IF U WOULD EVER WEAR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!
 i told her i wanted it for real.. so she looked confused and said. but you hate sparkle and shimmer. i said yes, but mostly i find myself going to functions like weddings and college functions( not that i attend much weddings.but my cousin's wedding was coming up..) and i find myself looking plain. i didnt mind at first, when people used to ask why have u turned up so simple?? i never mind, coz i dont give a damn.. but sometimes i feel so myself... that a little bit sparkle wouldnt hurt.
when we went up to the counter to pay,she asked once again are you really buying that, or will you come to change it tomorrow...? i gave her an incredulous look. after coming home my mom told my sister, my gran , the neighbours and everyone else she found.. !!

Then i have been a vegetarian almost all my life( except wen i used to eat fried chicken for some 3years) and for the last seven years i have been a pure vegetarian..( except twice when my sister's and my snacks got exchanged by mistake and i had to puke it out..)
so the other day, u know after i had that big issue which made me feel all devastated, mom had made some really good fried fish...i know it was good because i ate it...for the first time in years!!and not just a lil morsel, two big peices of fish..!! even when i was a non vegetarian, i never used to like fish...never ate it.. and here i was liking fish!!
so i thought i was now eating non veg in protest of my life being unfair. therefore i told dad to bring chicken tikka the next day( this being the very dish which made it so hard for me to leave eating chicken) and he brought, and i ate and it was........YYUUKKK!!!
i dunno i could taste that yukky juice that came out of fish, chicken, anything non-veg
and i knew at that very second, i cant start eating non-veg...
not even in protest of my unfair life..

still, i ate non-veg twice....
willingly, not force fed by my mom or dad or neha( granny is a vegetarian and supports my being a vegetarian too)... anyway, it could be considered a deviation from the expected, from the obvious right...??...

so am i predictable or not??

i mean evertime i text my friends when i lose things, "i lost my notebook" or cellphone or pendrive and find it after a few minutes or hours or days and text them that "i have found it,and not to bother searching", thats when they text back saying,"i knew it, i never bothered, thought u must have been careless as usual and u will graduly find it..ur so predictable"

and when i enter the kitchen and something falls, everyone thinks i made it fall...(mostly its the truth)
or when a certain appliance stops working(including camera, lappy, microwave anything for that matter), they dont even say it, they know its because of me...
they go like...why did u have to ruin this??(painful face)
or how could u ruin THIS, wat did u do??(unbelieving face)
and they BELIEVE it more than anything, no matter how hard i try to convince them otherwise...

so yea, other than being clumsy and careless.. i am not really predictable, am i?
i mean i do deviate from the obvious like i said..

or am i not??
or am i???

living in a pseudo world!!

just to tune it out.. my thoughts.. the ones i dont wanna hear... the ones which i know will cause me pain if i think too much about them...i keep listening to full moon all day long..that song...it kind of promises me there's some good which will come to me.. i keep reading twilight... then i am not rutuja, i am bella... i know living in this fantasy world wont do me any good...but for now , IT IS my personal brand of heroin!
its a drug...makes me forget what i want to.i know i'll have to face those things soon enough..but till then i will stay numb in my pseudo world...

A review: Of The First 10 Things That Came To MY MIND!

1) Robert Pattinson: His looks and bod!!!! Ohhhh…!!! And when he smiles and wears black!! Awwohhhhohhohoohhh!!! Even though I never really drooled over any celeb hunks, except maybe John Abraham, Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas, even then I wasn’t madly in love with them like I am with Robert  Pattinson.i just cant control my heart skipping a beat when I look at him. Also he reminds me of someone. So do his vampire-like teeth. I am being…Cheesy, I know… and so very teenage-girl-like, so unlike me, yet I can’t just get over that face!

2) Jesse: from the Mediator short novel series: Spanish 150 yr old ghost, but sexy nevertheless. Also chivalrous, protective, possessive. Blue eyes, hot abs. He calls Susannah “querida”. I am in love with him, and even though I am not so sure about Robert’s abs, (and since I am in love with him too), I could totally imagine Robert Pattinson playing Jesse. I just know…he’ll fit that character so well... (Hey, Even though the mediator series is YA, such light reads are fun too…!)


3) THE TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE: okay I admit, I cry when I read novels, the sad romantic kind. Even though I was sure I am totally devoid of such feelings in real life, when I read romantic books and the girl and the guy get separated, I cry. This novel made me cry even more than Erich Segal’s LOVE STORY. Must read.


4) Rajniti: I dunno what people liked in this movie!! Most of the twists were expected. Katrina wasn’t looking her usual cute self… so what was in this movie????(I never really liked Ranbir).

5) Friendship day 2010: I never thought back when we were in 2nd year that our class would come so far. But we have. Around 40people, in the evening made a split second plan to spend friendship day together. Made all the arrangements without any assistance in the night. And voila! Next morning we were off …. Loved this day!!! Had so much fun!!! My fav. Part: dedication of songs for everyone. Having a late night dinner (which was way too costly) in ‘Macchan’. Came home at 1 a.m. really sleepy and tired.

6) EXTC’s BUNKS: Which have become very famous. Again another example of the unity that our class has acquired over the years. Not so much bunks now, but a month back, everyone was so annoyed that we got to bunk so much!!!


7) Manisha Sharma’s Birthday Treat: Some 15 people I enjoy being with, lots of jokes and humor flying around, loud laughter ;) exceptionally good food (even with Gulshan’s standards.), happy and relaxed end of the day.

8) Lady Gaga’s “just dance” and Katy Perry’s “I kissed a girl”: I abso-lutely LOVE both these numbers. They are catchy, have feel-good music, perfect for d dance floor, and I soo like the lyrics (I’v had a lil bit too much…lost my phone..cant find my keys oh man…what’s the name of this club…I cant remember but its alright...aa..alright.. just dance! )(I kissed a girl, I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick;I kissed a girl just to try it, hope my boyfriend don’t mind it..) !! What else do we need, oh yeah, great video…. I just don’t get bored of this song… ditto wit paparazzi and poker face..!

9) Fight with Vishal: Out of all my cousins, he is my favorite brother and he isn’t talking to me! And I dunno whose fault it was..!! Not being on talking terms with him sucks!! And I miss talking to him!!


10) Asmita’s birthday gift and later her treat: This crazy woman kept on suggesting gifts to give her on her birthday and not normal things, gifts which were impossible for us to buy or which were not available…. We finally got her something, which she wanted, and I can’t really disclose what it was..! And before we could gift it to her, she came to know about it and kept laughing over the fact that we had actually got it for her. I could have murdered her, I swear!

And then we ate a REALLY costly snack for her treat, just us 5girls. Vegetarian! Hahaha that was fun!! AND it had been a long time since just us, four friends had been together, relaxed, had fun, and that day offered us what we needed..


11) VINITA’S WEDDING:
Okay, that’s more than 10, but huh, who cares?? My cousin VINITA got married...It felt like she was going away. Anyways she always was busy in her work and all, and now, she would be present in our get-togethers even less!! Or maybe not.
Well she did move away, towards a happy married life! Wishing her all the good luck and happiness she deserves!

12) I guess that’s the end of my list.

hmmm!!! feeling devastated!! crazyy... wont be long by the time im ok.... i think...

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

okay so i was thinking of uploading some stuff iv written in my lappy..but as usual my pendrive is lost somewhere...and as usual i'll find it somewhere soon enuf...so even tho rt now, iv got nothing special to post...i need to write right away...

i found myself in a weird mood this evening.... and by 10p.m. i was nervous and frustated and tensed..thanx to some people, who wouldnt stop behaving in a cruel way...
so wat if i treated them cruelly at some point too...???
but i totally repent it..and m trying to improve myself..

keeping that apart, as i found myself on the verge of tears i immediately texted my friends....simply asking how were studies goin on...since universities are just a month away....so, one of them,K replied immediately with the answer,another, M textd back saying she was having dinner n wud reply soon...

the third one... yes....she dint reply at all....now this particular friend has recently found new love in her life...and i feel betrayed...(of crse thats purely selfish of me) cz she and i were the "single gals" of my group....the other two being happy in a relationship already...so i had put her into my list of "we r olways gonna b single now..."friends....but as iv already said... anyway...

so now that K had replied immediatey...i told her what exactly had been going on in my mind....and no matter how hard she tried to calm me down...i was stll a confused bundle of nerves...

after some time M replied and later when id shouted enuf at her for replying so late.... we start chatting...and after a while i had again blabbed to her why i was so frustated, angry, tensed, etc...(i truly deeply THANK god for sending me this angel)...even tho she sounds like a scolding mother or a preacher at tyms,no matter what, she always does succeed at calming my mind n me down..(which is not such an easy task, lemme tell u)...

and again her inspiring words failed to inspire me to sit down n start studyng immediately....i felt absolutely at peace nevertheless...and u know..some time around 2a.m. i will start studyng....

my third friend still hasnt replied....she must still be with her new found prince charming or must b talking to him...and even tho i feel betrayed coz she went ahead and is now committed, i cant help feeling really happy for her...coz it's been a really long time for her... A had always been the crazy one!!now she is crazy for a guy...ok...i can take that...

i am so thakful to god that iv got such awesome friends with so absurdly different characteristics...helping, crazy, shy, funny, studious, serious, still every one of those 3 angels is unique...and i love them so much..

feeling slightly nauseous again thinking that after a year we'll all be probably in diffrent cities...diffrent jobs...but there is still some 7months left of college and im gonna make sure i enjoy everysingle moment with them!!!

I twisted and turned and knew it was one of those nights when sleep would not come to me easily....no matter how hard i tried to win the battle with insomnia, it could get back to me anytime it wanted....it was 3a.m....i had been reading princess diaries to kill time...i tried sleeping for two more hours..

it was 5.15 a.m....no, i knew for sure sleep would not come to me...i got up...put on my slippers, took sherry and ronnie with me... and got out of the house...it was surprisingly bright for 5.30 a.m.....usually it was around 6 or 6.30 before u could see anything..but this was summer...so i wandered around..sherry running helter-skelter... happy that i was out with her....this was a time i really got into deep thinking...about what wonders the coming years held for me...i was roaming around aimlessly when i looked up and the beautiful gulmohur tree looked down at me....it seemed to be winking at me....yes and why not? that is, if trees could actually wink!!

i thought how old it seemed...it had heard all our conversations from when we were kids...walking home from the stand...when we used to stop near the tree and discuss all that happened it school, when we graduated from bikes to twowheelers it still heard what we talked about...even now it bears witness to all the games kids play around it, standing there tall and wise...and still experiencing the years go by...unbelievingly slow...shivering in cold, dancing in the rains, giving shade in the horrible scorching heat of wardha...so many times...ive seen a stranger or some postman taking refuge in it's shade....

the tree seemed to say"go on..."

"life is waiting to happen for you.."

i tore my eyes away from the tree and moved ahead... a saw another tree bent, without a single leaf on it...i took a picture...dint realise then but beneath the tree was standing a wild pig or boar or whatever it was...it seemed in the picture that the tree was a monster, bending down to eat the little animal at it's feet..

that is when a sweet smelling breeze came up and caressed my face..played with my hair... and a felt a gentle lull and peace and calm.... i felt like sleeping then and there on the ground...but of course, i wouldnt do that...so i rushed home,into my bed...and exhaustion overtook me and i happily went to sleep.... the smell of fresh air and trees and sweet smelling earth fresh in my mind...my head got emptied of all the tensed thoughts and worrying of future and i welcomed the sleep that had finally come to me........

only to be awaken by sis 1 hour later....!!!!

when i had slept again after shouting back at her...i decided i would note this incident down the first thing i got up...even though ther was nothing in it...i wanted to remember it forever!!!

NoStAlGiA...!!!

as i stared at the tiny little winged seeds in d backyard of my uncle's building.....

many memories came rushing into my head...

like when i was small i used to come to this place, where my granny used to live earlier..and i used to love collecting these seeds...

also i collected the snail's shells once and threw them all down once my mum pointed out that in those shells lived slimy snails....

how i lacked compassion for when my granny told me if u put salt on them, they die,....

i went ahead with a fistful of salt and put it on those and all other snails present in the garden and loved watching them froth and die......

i feel like puking when i think of this now!

i remembered playing with a snow white fluffy cat which never bit anyone, even if u hit her....and i remembered i was back there after some years searching for my snow white cat, when i finally found it, n tried lifting it in my hands, it scratched me and hissed at me...i remembered how hurt i felt....and also how joyous when my granny told me my snow white peace loving cat gave birth to a litter of kittens, one of which i had tried scooping up in my arms.. and that now she wasnt so snow white anymore but yellowish white and very old...i loved her and cuddled her anyway when i found her.....

i remembered all the times i spent with my cousins, the fun i had with them....

the voices around me brought me back to my senses...my eldest cousin with a great sense of humor, with his beautiful wife and cute kid(apu was not present), my only first cousin sister, who had gotten married the day before(which is why i was back to that same place in mumbai), my other cousin bro,ever so sweet, my youngest cousin (not present, on account of being sick, probably becoz his sister got married and we were leaving..), my aunts, whom i love and admire as much as i do my mom....my uncle(great sense of humor runs in the males in this whole family!!) his wife(always sweet and helping and supplying us with new supplies of food and tea every half an hour)and thier son(my cousin, who is v.shy but brainy n sweet anyway).......my granny, because of whom we are all here)

there is a feeling of togetherness, a feeling of belonging we have never felt in the earlier years...

i feel a good vibe as i move around everyone , a content happy feeling that everything will start getting even better

than it is now....
leaving aside my thoughts i decided to make the most out of the little time i had with them(my train left in two n a half hours), so i entered the conversation taking place...soon enough some1 cracked i really funny joke and i would remember that jovial laughter ringing in my ears for a long time....i could see every1 who had a memory connected to that place goin through a wave of nostalgia....

which made me even more determined to stop the long line thoughts in my head and enjoying every moment together with people who make my life so much more spicier, happier , funnier and worth while. so when i returned home,i wrote down my thoughts of this almost profound moment...so i can cherish this memory forever!!!

okay this particular post is for dog-lovers cz they are the only ppl who'll understand wat i am saying...(wait more than dog-lovers it should be like dog owners...anybody who has ever owned a dog would kno..)

so another very cute thing about sherry is she loves this kashmiri rug we have in our upstairs room..now y does she love it n how i kno it?

ill tell u...

wen she was small....she used to shit near it...not on it... :)

ok..that may sound gross...but she was a pup...she wasnt potty trained back then...

and now that she's grown up n a strong runner... wat she loves doin is this...

she stands on d edge of this rug...looks back at u..kicks her legs back with all her might...and runs in d opposite direction full on... so that the rug(which is very light weight) slides off and is thrown off in the from of a lump by the wall...then she stops at the door and again she looks at u...n u can tell the expression..pure glee..

there's another one of sherry's expression that makes u think oh-my-god-wat-a-poor-dog-wat-can-i-do-to-make-her-feel-good....thats wen she wants the cake/chips/creamroll/samosa in your hand...

OR wen she wants to sit by the settee and listen to gossip...(my dad is strict abt letting her into downstairs living room or any room at that).

i am telling you..the day sherry starts talking..it will be the end of the world...coz she has heard so much of gossip she'll be blurting all out being so happy abt being able to talk...

that makes me think of ronnie's childhood..

this is now...even though

she's lookin very innocent ,

(u know now),

she can look extremely

ferocious at times too..

this is when sherry was very small

a cute dog

when i created this blog, i thought i will be just posting on my poetry and paintings and stuff...but considering the lazy person that i am...that didnt happen for years.. :) so here i am giving it another go, not poetry but you kno, just my thoughts....

this afternoon i was just sitting there looking at my dog sherry...she's a bitch...and she looked at me aith those peat-bog eyes...you know the ones that romantic novel's heroes have...yeah she's got those,,...so anyway...she lifted up an eyebro and moved it left then right at then looked at me again. i love her when she does that...i love a lot of stuff she does...like she goes outside for walks and learns from the other dogs that dogs are supposed to hide their food so that no other dog eats it and that when they are hungry they can dig it up and eat it... but sherry doesnt have to do that...caz she never goes hungry...we keep feeding her throught the day...so anyway....she has no need to hide her food...coz no other dogs are there to eat her food... ronnie is(my other dog,male, very old) there, but he doesnt do all this stuff...so anyway i was cleaning the front room the other day...and as i tucked in the bed sheet...i found this roti hidden behind it!!!!!!! can u believe that... she dint get any other place than the bed to hide her food???

thats when i felt how cute she is and so innocent...not that there arent other times i think she is innocent and cute. There are loads of incidents. She's really scared of going after people and biting them and all. but she knows that the little humans called kids fear her immensely...u see she's a german shepherd a very ferocious lookin one at that...so all she does it she goes after those kids trying to scare them..and when they run screaming their heads off, u should see the expression on her face....pure glee....thats wen i think she is a really cute dog.

note:she never bites kids, only scares them!